Who Am I?!

I have recently found myself asking this question more often than one would imagine. It is one of the weirdest things to go back and read my old posts and to think, "I said that?!" On the other hand I read some others and I still think the same thing that I did back in 2008! Crazy!
Besides the tendency that I have to over analyze certain things I find myself asking this question, because back then- in the 09's it seems like even though I was younger I knew who I was more.
When you get out into the real world, working and dealing with customers, coworkers and bosses things just seem instantly more... complicated. For a simple girl like myself this can be slightly overwhelming at times. I occasionally desperately want to go back to the times when who got elected into Alpha Phi's Executive council was my biggest problem. The responsibility of my life and getting things right weighs so heavily on me now a days. It's not that my life is stressful, or hard, demeaning or lonely. It's just that I feel like my life has passed me by so quickly. Part of me doesn't understand how I can hardly remember high school.
The hardest part of the real world is realizing how much destruction can happen to your life so quickly and how much of it you do to yourself. Working at enterprise has opened my eyes to many many walks of life. I see how quickly other peoples lives can be completely turned upside down. Most of the time I'm so grateful for everything that I have, but recently I've only been able to focus on the negatives. I spend half my time (maybe not half) worrying about what my life has in store for me. I used to be so excited! Now I feel like I'm getting to old and my life is just going to slip away and I'll be sitting in nursing home with no family and a shattered reputation. Is this crazy of me to think? Maybe... Can I stop my life from ending up that way? Absolutely. It just seems that if I want to change my life from ending up all alone I need to really do some soul searching and that just takes up a lot of time... and well I don't know that I'm ready for that.
This is probably a big delusional post, but I had to get it out of me. Thanks for reading!

An Education

This is a strange strange world that we live in. Nothing will educate you more on that then going through what just happened to me. I'm blogging about this because I consider myself a decently smart and observant girl, but like many of my gender we are often too quick to trust and too quick to believe the best in people.
A few weeks ago I receieved an email from a customer I helped into a rental vehicle. By the name of Jeff Degolier. Jeff was a charming, tall, handsome 34 year old man whom I easily joked around with- but who at the end of the day I didn't think anything of. After receiving a thank you e-mail, we bantered back and forth through said communication mode. He was kind, funny, seemingly sincere and still very tall (this is always a plus). He got my number and we started texting- like crazy. We talked every moment of every day, discussing everything from his sisters death, to his 5 year old daughter, what songs are always stuck in our head and how many times we've had our heart broken. I had lunch with him twice, he brought me a slushie at work, we went to the zoo together. Things were going so well and he was so fun. On Easter Jeff knew I was all alone and brought me chocolate and gave me a "Happy Easter, I'm sorry you're all alone" kiss.
Sounds like the perfect romantic story right? .... Wrong.

picture of a Giraffe from when we went to the zoo

Monday morning I get a strange e-mail with someone with the last same name as Jeff... and it said "You know Jeff is married with a family right?" Needless to say I flip out and call him demanding answers- he gives weak, but plausible ones and I continue to speak with him although I'm now incredibly skeptical. He had previously told me he had gotten divorced in September- and I didn't think too much of it after that.
Now thank goodness for technology, google and smart friends. That's how I found out he was lying to me when he said he was on "work trips," "dinner with the boss" and "staying at a friend's house." After e-mailing his wife back and forth I've come to find out I'm not even the first girl he's done this to, but the third. In 4 years. He has a 5 year old daughter and has been married for ten.

picture of a parrot from the zoo haha

You're probably thinking- how did this happen? How did you Kady end up falling for this? And the truth is, I couldn't tell you. I love being liked, I wanted to believe that there was someone out there who could really love me from a first glance and who was kind and smart and easy to talk to. Truthfully, I'm sure that person is still out there- I'm writing this blog though so that anyone else who ever meets Jeff- or anyone like him can be warned.

The Good, The Bad... and the Break Up

Typically I think that airing your "dirty laundry" on your blog is bad practice, but sometimes you just have to let it flap in the breeze!
Thus far March has proven to be a bit more, let's say... dramatic than February and January. My work life is still going really well, I think I'm progressing and learning. I love working out with Michelle, cooking meals and going hiking on my days off-so that's the good!
My personal life, on the other hand, is progressing in a different direction than I would have imagined... Basically right over a cliff. Okay, it's really not that bad.
Here's the low down... we all know I got this boyfriend Julio right?! Right. At first he was amazing and so fun, fantastic and always doing things...... and then as all relationships do (at least all relationships I have), we digressed. At some point it just stopped being fun, for both of us, I think. Pretty sure he couldn't handle my occasional social awkwardness and I couldn't handle that he was getting more and more distant.... most likely because of my social inept. While we are attempting friendship, as we still enjoy each others occasional company it just seems so strained. I feel like now would be the appropriate situation to insert the beating a dead horse comment. It hurts though, and it sucks and sometimes I'd just like to rip my brain out of my body so I could stop thinking for two seconds.
So that's the Break Up.
Then here's the bad... sorry they're not in order.
The bad news is that somehow all of the strange men of Arizona have come creeping out of nowhere. I guess I shouldn't say strange or creeping, but seriously! I attract the strangest people into my life. My job gives the pleasure of meeting new people every day. At least ten times a day. This has proven to create a bit of a problem. The thing is, I'm naturally really nice (and humble right?), I sincerely care about most of the people I meet! Sometimes I think my nice-ness comes off as flirtyness, and all these guys think that I'm interested in them or something and insist on sending me e-mails, getting my number or whatever! I'm not complaining here, I'm just saying I have no idea how to handle this! Guys never flirt with me (that I notice), ask me on legit dates upon initially meeting me, or anything!

The only legitimated thing I can think of to do with all of this on my mind... is take a nap. So I think that's where I'll be headed for now readers.

February

Sometimes I judge myself for not thinking of better titles for my blog posts... but honestly, I can't handle that kind of stress here people!
For those of you keeping track at home- yes I'm still in Arizona! Still happy as a clam! I've only had one really bad night here in the month in which I have inhabited in this blessed state... and it was my own fault since I accidentally fell asleep on my beloved boyfriend. Ladies, if you ever need a way to seriously upset your significant other I recommend this option.
Staying positive though! I've had a really awesome first couple of weeks at enterprise (yes, We will pick you up). I've meet some amazing people and they have just made my experience ten times better! I met the coolest lady from Africa, someone who lawn bowls... Whatever that is!, this one guy who travels all over the world dealing with dead people's wills... I mean if you ever want a place to meet people- enterprise is that place. For real though, it is so fun and the company is really good to their employees. There are always ten thousand competitions going on to win tickets to games, gift cards or just to leave half an hour early and I love it! Today I got to go out to a country club in Scottsdale and have lunch with about 18 other MT's (Management Trainees).
In other news I recently purchased a gym pass. I'm really excited about that... on my good days.
Aside from my job, the biggest portion of my time is spent with Julio. Now I know I know... you're probably sitting there at home being all like, "Dude...... Kady, you never for reals date someone!... Who are you?!" And I'll tell you! It's been a while since I really gave someone a chance, like an honest chance at being my boyfriend. Julio was the first person I really met in Arizona and I don't think that was 100% by chance. He is so great and makes everyday better... I sound like a big ole cheddar cheeseball.... but for real! He got me two bouquets of flowers for valentines day and is so sweet, and fun that there is no way I could not have given him a chance, and if anyone ever deserved one it would be him. Here's the cincher though- I found this awesome guy- seriously he's amazing, but he's going on his mission this summer. That would be my luck right?!? It's hard for me to imagine this place without him, but I know he's going to do incredible things out there.
All in all dear readers, February has been one indescribable month filled with the hustle and bustle of work, hugs and loves and a really cute package from my mom in the mail- so who could compain?! Not this girl. 

Happy is an Understatement

My dear friends and readers,
The month of January 2013 has been an incredible whirlwind. It could be described as the Hurricane Sandy of my life, but with some major differences... There where no deaths, power outages or overall bad feelings. So really it was just very life changing I guess!
I made a big life move and up and drove myself across the country to the Phoenix, Arizona area. As I sat in my car to leave my New York driveway for who knows how long I thought to myself, "You are crazy. You have honestly lost your mind. You are leaving all of your family, for a life you don't even know if you'll like."
As I stopped and visited with friends across the country and told them of my plans I received a lot of support, but also a lot of questions like, "You don't have a job?" "Aren't you scared?" "What if you hate it?" and Yes I didn't have a job, I was terrified and if I hated it well.... yeah.
The thing is people I love it.

This is our house!

I love Arizona. I love the people here, the weather, my job at Enterprise, my roommates, our house, my new boyfriend ;),  the trips I've already taken, the food, everything. I am so incredibly grateful that I sucked up my fears, moved out of my little nest of safety in New York and came here! Aside from college, this is probably the scariest, but most rewarding thing I've ever done.

You can't really tell, but I got bangs!

Pooks and Pooks reunited, this is the night we went country dancing!

the best view in the valley, from Camel-back Mountain.

We like to play Jenga and watch disney movies.

If I had any suggestions to you my dear friends it'd be to do what scares you, but prepared because going outside of your comfort zone can often times make you so happy.

Who does that?!?

There is many a night at Buca Di Beppo where I am left wondering "who on God's green earth pulls that kind of stuff?!?," but tonight the charts have been topped.

I was simply performing a table run, which is exactly like what it sounds. We run around like the boys in Juno trying to find places to seat guests. So I'm running around, clearly busy, and then this bizarre looking man holding a baby comes up to me and asks (I kid you not... This is verbatim) "Will you wash this thoroughly for me, it fell on the ground?" And I say "what?!?!" And he shoves his babies binkey INTO MY HAND.He wanted me to wash his child's binkey. And here's the crazy part... I did it. Mostly because I was too shocked to do anything else, and party because I believe in being nice and delivering superior customer service.

But seriously people? I'm a hostess... Not your nanny. Not your sink. I'm a human being who currently doesn't have a child for a reason washing binkeys is one of those reasons, amount others.

So tonight I ask you, the good sane responsible people of the world- please keep in mind that no one but you (and maybe some relatives) should be thoroughly washing your babies binkeys.

Amateur hour? Nope Amateur Life.

I do believe that I have spent most of my life as an amateur of things. Never "really good" at just one thing, just a novice of a lot of things. 

I remember in high school there was this girl Meredith Hall. She was the state's best oboe player... and I knew her! We were friends! I was so jealous. I wanted to be the state's best oboe player, but all I happened to be was quite possible the most awkwardly plump and all around bizarre girl Guilderland High School had ever seen. 

It's been five years since I've graced G-land with my intensely peculiar personality, but I occasionaly find myself still wishing that I was the best at something. I'm even okay with not being the best, I just want to be good at something! To be able to focus myself to produce something worth mention, and not something anyone can do. I am really good at seating tables at Buca, but that doesn't count. 

Now, I'm not saying that I'm ugly and obnoxious, boring or bland...I'm simply saying that I'm afraid of letting my life pass me by without ever doing or becoming anything fantastic. I want to be a force to be reckoned with (in a good way... whatever that means anyway), I want to do something besides go to work, come home and watch t.v. That is my biggest fear. Well... at least in the top ten. So dear readers, please don't ever let me do that to myself.